It’s Monday and we’re 6 weeks out from my next competition so guess what… the health kick has started again. The past week hasn’t been good for me, well it has, it’s been a lovely week but diet wise I’m still at square one. Weighing in this morning at around 58kg I know I’ve got to seriously get my head down now. If I had a fiver for every time I said that 😂!
I just wish I was one of those people who ate to live. I don’t mean the ones that eat the bare minimum to survive but the ones who eat 3/5 small balanced meals a day. How amazing would it be to have that willpower, like I genuinely think they’re superhuman. I would love to be able to sustain a healthy diet but i find it really bloody difficult. I cave in at any test, even the simple event of the cinema. I’m literally a kid in a candy store. That wall of pick n mix is my best friend whilst also being my enemy and even when I’m sat watching the film, repeatedly eating foam bananas I’m telling myself to stop, but I can’t. Whilst I know there’s still sweets in that tub I’m not finished.
I know that it’s cool to have bad days, you should have bad days but I’m the kind of person who has one crappy day then thinks sod it for the rest of the week until I look at myself and get down because I don’t look like how I did a month ago. Us females have enough pressure from magazines and social media about how we are ‘supposed’ to look so making ourselves feel worse because we ate a bit more than normal is not ok. Also balls to social media! We all need to remember people are living their best life on Instagram, we are all culprits of it! Why would we post rubbish photos? So long as we all remember Instagram isn’t real and it’s just snippets of people’s best bits then we may all actually stay sane & not care that much that we just ate a share size bar of Dairy Milk to ourselves! Just get back on the wagon! Like me, again 🤣.
On Thursday I went to see the nurse, just to collect a repeat prescription for my contraception pill and she decided she was going to check my height and weight, it hadn’t been done since 2013. She told me I’m classed as overweight. Now I know for a fact I’m not overweight and in hindsight I wish I’d had some sassy comment to come back with but it was taking all my power to not laugh in her face. I was politely asked if I exercised??? Have you seen these f*cking quads! I left that surgery so bloody angry. I know she was just doing her job but please please please tell me how on earth your height and weight can determine if you’re healthy or not! She told me I’d gained 8lbs since 2013 and I’m not surprised I have! I work my arse off in the gym building muscle and keep my body fat down. To be fair to her, she knows little about me so she probably doesn’t have a clue about the kind of training I do but can you imagine if I wasn’t as head strong as I am and decided that because the nurse has said I’m overweight that must mean that I am! What if I had no clue about nutrition and went on some mad crash diet to get my weight down! We need to be careful what we say to people! There’s so many ways you can trigger someone into feeling bad about themselves! Build people up! I put into my body what I know will help me pull out big numbers in the gym, I’m healthy the majority of the time, I have cheat meals, cheat days and cheat weeks but I know what to do to sort it out. Anywayyyyyy after my appointment I went to my Auntie Jackie’s, ate a curry and a blackcurrent tart! F U BMI, you’re a load of shit.
I’ve had quite an eventful week this week actually. A day trip to London on Tuesday meant I traded the gym for a couple of beers and an Italian meal with my mum and I had a night out on Friday in Liverpool. The hangover I had Saturday was easily the worst one I’ve had yet, I was still being sick at 4pm and it reminded me why I hardly drink! Sunday consisted of eating everything in the cupboards as I knew I was back to it Monday morning. Why do we do this? When you know you’re going to be good the next day it’s like you have one last hurrah and eat everything in sight. I’m fully aware of how difficult I’m making this for myself and writing it down makes me feel even more guilty but it’s done now, I’m on the straight and narrow and I’m actually looking forward feeling good about myself once again. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had a lovely few weeks, I think at heart I’m a proper foodie. Maybe I should just make a female version of Man vs Food and give up the powerlifting. Maybe I’ve got the wrong hobby.